Not to be a Downer, but…

Lord, I need you. My heart has been broken again. I barely got it super-glued back together after the last time and now it lies shattered. Again. I am trying to trust you and trying to see the work you are doing in my life, but I am feeling tired. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of feeling “triggered” by innocent words. I am tired of being unable to dream about the future because I can’t see with hope. I am tired of the shallow breaths and rapid pulse. I am just plain tired of the fight.

I don’t want to be a downer, but can you relate? This has been a hard month and I am simply hurting. It doesn’t matter how much I recognize that God is working for good or that He loves me – I still feel the overwhelming grief even when my eyes can’t find any tears to shed.

I want to encourage you, my reader, not discourage. I want to help you feel that you can hold on and function in spite of the pain. I want you to focus on the good in your life not the hurt. But, as I thought about it, I realized that I also need to write this. I need to say, “This is normal.” The dry eyes while your heart feels like it is leaking – this comes with the territory.

The longer I have been in this season of storms, the more I recognize that it will pass. The more times the storm washes over me, the more I am prepared for it the next time. I know I can be strong in the eye of the storm when I need to be and that once it clears a little I will need to show myself some grace and allow myself to grieve a little. But, I also know that I can’t stay there in the grief. And, maybe that is also why I am writing this – to remind myself that it is time to move on to living again.

God is good and I trust Him. Like Job, I will praise Him through the blessings and through the pain. If you are currently in the middle of the storm, I hope knowing others can relate and still remain in faith is an encouragement to you.

I want to leave you with this song, which has been on my lips and heart. Praise God for His love and mercy which never fails and for His Spirit which comforts us!

Photo by Einar H. Reynis on Unsplash