Why Ask Why?

I am not a Hallmark gal. Outside of Christmas and Thanksgiving, holidays and my own birthday pass me by with little consideration. So, imagine my surprise when I found myself feeling blue about having half of my kids absent for Mother’s Day. For some reason, the lead up to a holiday that I had never really cared about was making me feel down. Finally, my husband asked, “why?” Why? Once I stopped to question that, it became obvious. This was the first time I wouldn’t have all of my children with me for the day. Sure, that was in part because one was in sober living in another state, but what it really boiled down to was it being the first time. It was a landmark moment rather than a Hallmark moment.

I bring this up because so often it is easy for emotions to run crazy and for us to allow those feelings to lead our behavior. Once I could acknowledge that this was a “normal” transition that “normal” families in “normal”, healthy situations experienced I was fine. I knew I would not always have my kids around me for Mother’s Day. This sadness reflected the experience of having my chicks leave the nest and was not a result of the trauma in our lives. That gave me peace and I had no trouble letting go of the blues I had been nourishing.

Maybe there is an area in your life which begs the “why?” Are your emotions and feelings running crazy? You may have seen the video that went viral a while back of a small girl alternating between laughing and crying. After some minutes, she, in a very self-aware statement, says, “I think I might be a little bit tired.” As someone that totally loses control of her emotions when overly exhausted, I can relate. It is so easy to allow fatigue, hunger, or other physical conditions to influence our attitudes. In the same way, normal healthy reactions to transitions in our life can get blown out of proportion if we look at them through the lens of victim-hood.

In my case, I had been taking the sadness over my children growing up and leaving home and attributing it to my son’s being absent because of his addiction. Then I fed that sadness by dwelling on the losses around that same addiction. When I finally realized that I was having a pity party for myself based on sadness that I was misattributing I was quickly able to stop that spiral. Our thoughts matter. Ask the “why.”