Are you angry with God? Do you feel like He has let you or your child down? Has He failed to care for you? Maybe you aren’t angry, just hurt. Can you trust Him to meet your needs or to keep your child safe? All of these feelings are understandable and normal!

When crisis hits or when you are dealing with the ongoing challenges of a child with mental illness or addiction, feelings of anger or hurt towards God surface. After all, He is in control of the universe. He tells us we are His children and that He loves us – so why do we feel so alone?

Remember Martha’s response to Jesus when He finally shows up following Lazarus’ death? John 11:21 reads, “Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.’” Martha knows Jesus could have healed her brother. Why didn’t He come? She must have felt terribly hurt and betrayed.

You might know that feeling. Have you raged at God?

“Why have you allowed my daughter to become addicted to meth?”

“Why is my son struggling with schizophrenia?”

“How could you not heal my daughter’s anxiety?”

“Can’t you see what’s happening to my family?”

“God, where are you when I need you so desperately?”

It is ok to blame God and to tell Him you are hurting. How do I know this? Because scripture is full of God’s people blaming Him for the hurt they are experiencing. I not only think it is ok to blame God, I think it is good and an important part of learning to trust God.

Laments begin with blame

Those blame conversations in scripture are called laments. The book of Lamentations is one long lament. Psalms is full of laments written by the “man after God’s own heart”, David.

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?” Psalms 13:1-2

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.” Psalms 22:1-2

“My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, ‘My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord.’” Lamentations 3:17-18

Laments Begin With Blame, but They Don’t End There.

I have a theory that the difference between those who leave their faith during hard times and those who maintain and even grow their faith is in this pattern of lament.

When we don’t take our anger or hurt to God, we place ourselves in a position where bitterness and distance are likely to grow. In a relationship with a friend, if there is unaddressed hurt, we tend to grow apart; it is the same in our relationship with God.

Another possible response is to take our anger to God, but then to question our faith as a result. The “Why?” is followed by our own understanding and reasoning rather than turning to God’s. For example, if I cry out to God for justice and for relief and have not yet seen either, I may believe that God must not be just or loving. Or, maybe He isn’t powerful enough or real enough. Because my prayers aren’t being answered in my way or in my timing, I question God’s character or existence. This, honestly, is a selfish response. If God doesn’t serve me the way I want Him to, then I don’t want anything to do with Him.

The Biblical lament, however, turns from the “Why?” to the “But, I know…” It does not question God’s character, but hopes in that character.

In Psalms 13, David’s “How long” turns to requesting God to “consider and answer” and then a remembrance of God’s goodness. “But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.” Psalms 13:5.

Psalms 22, which Jesus quoted on the cross, turns to an ask, “But you, O Lord, do not be far off! O you my help, come quickly to my aid!” That ask if followed by praise, by acknowledgment of the Lord’s power and His righteousness.

Lamentations 3:17-18 is followed by a cry to God to “remember my afflictions” (the ask). Immediately following the ask is this beautiful passage:

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.’”

The Pattern

We see a pattern of crying out to God. We even have the example of Jesus crying out to God on the cross! This is the Biblical example for dealing with our pain. So, bring your blame to God! He already knows your hurt and anger. Tell Him. Let Him hear you turn to Him with your pain and anger rather than turning away.

Ask Him to help you. Ask Him to strengthen your faith if you are doubting His love for you. Ask Him to bring healing to your child. Ask Him to give you strength and peace. Just ask.

Finally, remember God’s character and praise Him. Praise Him for His great love for you. Thank Him for the work He has already done in your life. Bring Him your honor and love. Then, see what God does in your faith as you turn to Him.

Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

Photo by Benjamin Davies on Unsplash