Deep Waters: Learning to Trust God in the Fear

I’m terrified of water. I’m fine with a hot tub or pool as long as my feet can touch the bottom without the water covering my shoulders. If the water is pressing on my neck, however, I start feeling anxious and a bit out of control. You may not be afraid of water, but you know that feeling of fear. You probably feel it when your child makes that one decision that always heads down the same bleak path or when you get that phone call in the middle of the night. Panic. Maybe that is why the song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong resonates so powerfully with me. There have been times in the deep waters of my children’s journeys that I have found myself holding onto the lyrics and belting them out driving in the car by myself, tears streaming down my face.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown
Where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

It’s my re-affirmation to God that even when those waters come up to my neck or cover me completely and I have to resort to dog paddling, I will stand on my faith. And, it’s a reminder of His promise to me that I will truly discover His nature and His character when I do.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour

Eventually, my prayer became even more powerful. “Lord, I don’t want to suffer, but call me to those deeper waters. I don’t want to suffer, but I do want to be so reliant on you that when my feet are not on the sand I will still hold to you and that you will grow me into a more godly woman as a result.” It was David’s prayer when he sang in Psalms 42:1,“As the deer pants for the water, so my soul longs after you.”

It is a life-changing prayer, a no-longer-lukewarm, “I-can-do-all-things” kind of prayer that may truly only ever come from walking in those deep waters to begin with. Scripture is full of verses telling us to rejoice in pain, to be joyful when we find ourselves in times of trial. I used to wonder what that meant, how it was even possible. Now I know. Coming to know Christ, His love for me, His compassion and mercy, His promises to never leave me, that has been the beautiful outcome of being forced to take my feet off of the bottom of the pool.

It’s a scary business, this asking God to draw you wherever He wants you, to trust that His purpose is to bless you and grow you to be more like Him. I am certainly not saying that God causes harm to your child just so you can be more dependent on Him. Rather, I am saying that He will use that time of struggle to reinforce your faith and to deepen your trust.

I have prayed that prayer over my own children. Lord, whatever it takes to bring them to you, that is my will. Lord, whatever it takes to bring my child to the point they will take steps toward recovery, that is my will. He knows what is best for you and for your child. Trust Him. When you do, I know you will find it is the best decision you could make. That doesn’t mean the story will end the way you planned, it doesn’t mean your child will be healed, it certainly doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Hope for healing, pray for healing, but mostly trust that it will be ok because God is right there with you. Somewhere along the way, I have come to realize that my spiritual growth is more important than my comfort. I hope you get to that point, too.

 Special thanks to Hillsong for permission to use their lyrics.
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)
Words and Music by Matt Crocker, Joel Houston & Salomon Ligthelm
© 2012 Hillsong Music Publishing Australia

Photo by Matt Hardy on Unsplash